Taking a trip

(Alternate: Going to visit a friend and his stupid company)

Today I wanted to talk to a friend of mine. Yeah I got friends, big deal.

I wanted to ask him something important.

So I pick up the phone and some receptionist picks up.

Bitch: Hi, how can I help you.
Tommy: Did you have a sex change mate?
Bitch: Thats rude Sir.
Tommy: Well the last time I called Matt was a guy.
Bitch: Oh... I'm his receptionist sir.
Bitch: Can I help you with anything?
Tommy: Yeah connect me with him.
Bitch: I can't Sir. He is busy.

Damn bitch. I hate it when people say no to me.

Tommy: Just connect me allready. He will be pissed if you don't.
Bitch: I can't Sir.
Bitch: Can I leave a message?
Tommy: Tell him I'm coming over.

Damn. That is gonna be a long trip.

So I go to the airport, get a ticket and step on the plane to the great country of England.

While on the plane I help myself to a lot of small drinks. I should have brought my own bottle it's much bigger.

Well I arrive in the big city and flag a taxi. I want to go to my friend and slap his receptionist but I'm hungry so off to the "Dutch Pancake House". Well I can tell you that I have seen loads of people mistreat pancakes but this was new for me. It was nothing like a Dutch pancake. It looked a lot like what happens if you boil milk in a fryingpan for to long.

So I went to the Kentucky Fried shitty Chicken across the street.

After I grabbed the good pieces of chicken instead of what that basterd wanted to give me I go to that company of my friend.

I walk in the door and then I see her.

Tommy: Well now I can see why he picked you.
Tommy: It wasn't because you where the smartest of the bunch.
Tommy: Tho cuddo's on the boobies.
Bitch: What did you say?!
Tommy: Nothing. Where is Matt?
Bitch: He is in a very important meeting. I can't let you see...

*slap*

As I walk to the big door, and still hear the receptionist sleeping, I was thinking what they where talking about. Maybe they can use my expert opinion.

On the moment I open the door I hear some fat bastard finishing a sentence.

Boss1: ...so if we end up doing it Boss2's way. We can save up to 12.000,- pound.
Tommy: He is wrong. Matt is right about the subject.
Tommy: I just looked it up and it turns out there are to many hidden costs.
Matt: Look he agrees with me.

Damn, good guess.

Boss2: I still think that is the best idea for the company.
Tommy: But the reason to look in to it was to see if we could save money.
Tommy: If we look in to the project and complete every part we will have made a 20.000,- pound loss.
Boss1: Who are you? You are not supposed to be here.
Tommy: Sir, I worked in accounting for the last 2 years.
Tommy: Matt asked me to find out if there where any hidden costs.
Boss1: Of course. How could I forget about you.
Boss2: Well what did ya find out then.
Tommy: Like Matt said. The costs for the project to actually make a profit are past 52.000,- pounds.
Tommy: The way it works now is that we spend 64.000,- pounds on first contact but we get back 32.000,- pounds by sales. So end up saving 20.000,- compared to the new proposal.

I still have no idea what I'm talking about.

Boss1: Well we will leave it at that then.
Boss2: Matt you work it out and give us the full report.
Matt: Ok Sir.

Well that went rather good.

Matt: Why is my receptionist not picking up?
Tommy: Oh she is sleeping behind the counter.
Tommy: Want to go to the pub? I have an important question.
Matt: Sure.

We walk in the pub, fuck about with the bar maid who has the most perfect B cups you'll ever see. Then after a few pints Matt asked what the important question was.

Tommy: I wanted your opinion on whether I should pick tomato or chicken soup for lunch.

Hey it's important to me.