I know more then you do

(Alternate: I actually read the ToS. Terms of Service)

If you don't pay, we disconnect you.

Except replace "we" with "I" and "disconnect you" with "get your big screen tv".

I love the idea of a bailiff. He will be the basterd blamed in the end.

You want acces to the internet, you agree with the ToS, you pay, we make sure you get online.

It's as easy as that. But some people still have to bother me with their "lawyer" talk.

So after about 20min of "on hold" and half a bottle of whiskey I picked up the phone.

Tommy: What can I do for you today?
Customer: I've been offline for more then 2 weeks now and I want you to compensate me with some money for all the expenses I made for calling your number and the days I've been offline.
Tommy: Give me your client number and I'll look up everything Sir.
Tommy: I have to put you on hold for a few minutes Sir. Do you Like Britney Spears?
Customer: No I hate her!

The thing is it looked like the customer was right.

Yes she is a horrible singer, but that was not what I meant.

There was an e-mail history wich said that they lost there connection and that we would try to fix it as soon as possible. But it never showed we actually did.

That can't be.

Something is wrong.

Then I see a little note in our program. There was a note on a previous e-mail saying the following:

Customer is complaining about not having internet. Turns out they didn't have a computer for 5 days and they wanted money back because they couldn't get online. They ended up not paying for 5 months. We sent the bailiff to get our money and disconnected them.

Did I read that right? They want money back for not being able to get online because they didn't have a PC? And on top of that they also didn't pay for 5 months?

Damn those idiots.

So I get on with the conversation.

Tommy: Sir I looked everything up and it turns out you're a retard.
Customer: You can't talk to me like that!
Tommy: Why does every retard say that. Like I don't know better.
Customer: I want my money back! NOW!!
Tommy: Sir, you didn't pay for 5 months. What money do you want back?
Tommy: You also have been disconnected.
Customer: I still want my money and TV back. It was a new one.
Customer: I'll call my lawyer.

The big screen TV arrives.

Tommy: So you didn't read the ToS then.
Tommy: You won't get your TV back.
Tommy: Even if you where right I still wouldn't give it back Sir.
Customer: Why?!
Tommy: Because you are a retard and I'm enjoying it to much.
Tommy: It's so much bigger then the one I had.
Customer: You can't treat me like this.

Why do they always say that? I decide what happens with your life.

At least your online one.

Tommy: You wan't to talk to my manager sir?
Customer: Yeah, right now. I'm going to get you fired!
Tommy: Just a sec Sir, I'll connect you.

To bad my manager is on holiday for 2 weeks. Should be on hold for a long time.
At least he can enjoy the great music I put on for him. Hit me baby one more time!

Just stop being such a retard and read the ToS!
If you don't pay we get your TV. It's as simple as that.

Damn hippies.